Updates to this is bullshit and so can you's terms of service

effective may 2023

Dear this is bullshit subscribers,

I am reaching out to let you know that I am updating my Terms of Service, effective May 31, 2023. My goal is to unify my Terms of Service and my Community Rules for better consistency over the entire this is bullshit platform. As I look to the future, my new Terms of Service will better support and define my Service, allow for better safety & security of Users, and streamline the enforcement of Community Rules. Some highlights of how the new Terms of Service may affect you are listed below.

• From now on, my content will be a lot more contentious.

  ¹

• I will be recusing myself from The Great Online Game. Writing dumb things really tops my tank, but promoting my shit and networking and replying to comments and worrying about how my newsletter will be received feels a bit like hammering a center punch into the tip of my dick. The promoting and the commenting and the self-censorship and the community building is just something I really can’t do. I like writing and making stuff and knowing that thousands of people are reading my presidential erotica, but I fucking hate that other stuff.

• If you’re a

  Substack
  writer, you know how much Substack is pushing forth this narrative that we’re fighting back against Big Media and Big Tech and those dastardly Elon/Bezos/Zuck boys. But at the end of the day, I’m not trying to take down Big Media or Big Tech—I’m just trying to vibe. And as I’m scratching 30, I’m realizing that’s all I want to do. I just want to eat, write, vibe, and fuck my wife.

• Recently, I’ve been reaching out to other writers and subscribing to shit I don’t want to read in an effort to “connect” and “network” and “participate” in this Great Online Game—but I’m beginning to understand that’s just not me. I’m grumpy and I’m irritable and I’m a cynical cunt at heart who likes dick jokes and mostly just wants to be left alone. I’m a bit too darty for the internet, I think.

• Writing and then posting content on the internet has created this odd Möbius strip-like cycle of genuine, fulfilling creative expression—followed by this absolute, undeniable loss of self. And this loss of self has happened rather quickly and I have found it to be increasingly unbecoming of me.

• I have my people, and the internet are not my people.

So, in conclusion, my new Terms of Service can be found below. Thank you for continuing to be a this is bullshit subscriber and I hope that you join me as I begin my retreat from society.

1. Beginning mid-to-late June, I’m going to start physically mailing some of my written content + some other dope bonus goodies. It will obviously cost money, because I am not your cuck. You can think of it like Substack, but with more carbon emissions.

2. For the content that I do email, I’ll be turning off comments. If you have something to say to me, say it to my face, in an email. I might respond, I might not. If I don’t respond, try not to equate my lack of interest in replying to your email to be a reflection on you, your email, or anything other than a pointed attack against your core beliefs.

3. I’m sorry if I’ve led you to believe that I respect you or appreciate you or value your time—because I don’t. I want to make that abundantly clear. I do not like you. If I did mislead you and gave you the impression that we’re mates, it was an honest mistake, and I apologize. That’s my bad. That one’s on me.

But that’s about it. Those are the new this is bullshit terms. Just give me your money and worship me from a distance.

cheers, buds

I’m not like the other girls

1. chortle my balls