Don't listen to the haters, SBF

You keep doing you, my guy

Jan 19, 2023

I heard you started a Substack! That’s f—ing ICONIC, bro. Major, major kudos.

I think you should know—Substack is a brotherhood. And I look out for my brothers. I’ve always tried to see the best in people. Life is tough. It can be fucking rough, bro. Shit can get BLEAK.

A few days ago, my neighbor’s dog ran into our garage and lunged at my chihuahua. My wife wanted to call animal control, but I said no. Shake off that frost, babe, I told her. I’ll talk to the neighbor. I’m sure he’s a reasonable guy.

And he was—Anthony’s a super chill dude. He just moved to the neighborhood, he played college ball at Missouri, and he was absolutely crushed over what happened.

It’s also not his dog, it’s his roommate’s dog, but still—people are people. And people are rad. That’s what I think, at least. I always try to find the rad in people. We’re all here—just living, just chilling—trying to sort out our own shit. It can be an absolutely MAD world out there.

Everyone’s got a story, Sam. You’ve got one, I’ve got one, Anthony’s got one.

And I’d love to hear yours—who you are. What you’re about. What dreams you have.

I don’t care about any of this “oh, SBF is a fraud, he stole all this money, he’s a loser, he looks like he kills cats, he made FTX insolvent, bankruptcy bankruptcy crypto bankruptcy” nonsense—I just want to hear from you. The real you. Not SBF, not the Crypto King, just Sam.

Like—who do you vibe with? What’s your sign? Who’s your ride or die?

I can tell your heart’s in the right place. I can tell that you’ve got a good soul.

I see a lot of myself in you, Sam. That’s the honest-to-God truth. We’re cut from the same cloth. We’re just a couple of cool cats, you and me. And you KNOW we’re not house cats. We’re LIONS.

“Hustle until your haters ask if you’re hiring” - SBF/me/Ben Franklin

So you know how you majored in physics and minored in mathematics at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology?

I majored in economics AND mathematics at THE Arizona State University.

MIT is a widely-respected, accredited, academic institution. You know what else is a widely-respected, accredited, academic institution? A-S-MOTHER-FREAKING-U.

Your first job was at Jane Street Capital. Mine was at the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Count the letters in “Jane Street Capital”—you’ll notice that there’s three t’s. You know what else has three t’s? Bureau-of-FUGGING-labor-statistics.

I’m telling you, man—we’re like the same person.

And it keeps going: your parents are professors at Stanford University. When I left the Bureau of Labor Statistics, I was an economics researcher at the University of California, Berkeley. You know what institution is about 45 minutes south of U.C. Berkeley? You bet your nards it’s Stanford-F-ING-University.

I’m not shitting you.

We probably ran in the same circles at some point. Back in the day, did you pulverize baskets of Grégoire’s potato puffs like I did? On Cedar Street and Shattuck? Those crispy potato balls fugging rippp. Also I’d bet major coin that I saw you at Faction when I was getting CRUSHED on their Pale 586s.

And as if it can’t get any weirder—you know how you lived in the Bahamas? I’ve been to the Bahamas. I’m serious, dude. Did you get addicted to that Goombay Punch? You look like a GoomBOI.

I know you know that they need to import that nonsense to the states.

Now—did our Airbnb in the Bahamas have a few rats? Yeah, it had a few rats. Did your condo have rats, Sam?

Our Airbnb host was adamant that all the houses in the Bahamas had rats. “It’d be like renting a cabin in the forest and complaining that there are a lot of squirrels in the trees,” he told us. I said—that doesn’t really make a lot of sense. I said—a more apt comparison would be if we rented a cabin in the forest and there were a half-dozen squirrels living in the kitchen. He said, “I don’t know what else you want me to say, man. The Bahamas are infested with rats.”

Sam—you’ve donated millions to a ton of Democratic political initiatives. In 2014, I spent a couple weekends volunteering for Kyrsten Sinema’s campaign to represent Arizona’s 9th congressional district. Like… are you kidding me?? Fuckkk. It’s insane how much we have in common.

And consider this: the Bloomberg Billionaires Index considers you to have “no material wealth.” Bro—I have no material wealth.

All these haters who’re just popping off at the mouth—don’t listen to them. We’ve done what they NEVER could. And look at us now: two dudes living with our parents, growing our Substacks, absolutely addicted to the GRIND.