Cold, gelatinous meat cubes

A recipe from Substack’s #1 Food & Drink writer.

Welcome to the first edition of This is kitchen and so can you!

In my quest to stay #1 on Substack’s Food & Drink leaderboard, I thought I’d share an amazingly quick (and tasty!) dish that’s perfect for busy weeknights.

Here at This is kitchen and so can you, flavor isn’t the primary feature of our recipes (or really a feature at all). We’re more about speed, efficiency, and large amounts of aerodynamic downforce. In fact, Pete Wells of The New York Times has called us The Formula 1 of food:

This week, we’ll be making my delicious, cold, gelatinous meat cubes.¹

But first—like all recipes found on the internet—I’ll be going superrr in-depth about the inspiration behind this dish (when all you really care about are the ingredients and the cooking times). 🌝👨🏻‍🍳

Alright! So what is food?

This is a great place to start. Food is just a mixture of protein, carbs and fats that us organisms need to grow and survive and exist and live. Protein, carbs and fats are what we call macronutrients. There are also micronutrients, which can be separated into four distinct categories: water-soluble vitamins, fat-soluble vitamins, macro-minerals and trace minerals. Water-soluble vitamins dissolve in water and fat-soluble vitamins are dissolved by fats in the body. My high school health teacher had a handy little way to remember the fat-soluble vitamins: a dick.

A-D-E-K.

The fat-soluble vitamins are A, D, E, and K.

A-D-E-K. A dick.

Is it stupid? Yes. And shouldn’t it be a deck, not a dick? Also yes, probably—but I’m confident I’ll never forget the fat-soluble vitamins. And now, neither will you.

High school health class was delightfully weird. We sort of learned about STDs, we passed a lung around and poked it through a plastic bag, and we watched a food sustainability documentary that had that one we are, we are, the youth of the nation song in it.

Health is a tough thing to pin down. I’d say I’m a fairly healthy guy. Not physically or mentally… but otherwise? Sure.

I think I have a healthy amount of skepticism. And I guess I have a pretty good memory—I remember and obsess about every social interaction that has gone wrong or might have gone wrong over the course of the past 15 years.

For better or worse, pursuing a healthy lifestyle is kind of a binary thing for me. I suppose I approach my health a bit like how orthodontists approach braces: how much physical pain can I reasonably (and legally) put this kid through to straighten his teeth and correct his overbite? I’m either all in, cranking that pain up to a ten, or I’m an absolute slob. There’s no middle ground for me.

To really iron out this metaphor, I suppose I’m both the orthodontist and the kid. And also the teeth and the braces, I guess.

And the overbite.

The past few years were really tough for me. No, I guess the overbite is my health, not technically me. But life is a marathon, not a sprint—and as all my runners know, sometimes during a marathon you sit down on the side of the road and despondently eat packets of Airhead Extremes and drink reckless amounts of caffeine and alcohol for the next six years.

When I was probably seven or eight, my family took a trip to Hawaii. We went on some kind of Jeep tour around the island and the guide lady told us about how her brother died from eating a Subway meatball sub. For years I thought that if I ate a Subway meatball sub, I’d die. But one day I went for it. Ten-year-old me was like: fuck it. If I die, I die. I wasn’t going to live my life in fear anymore.

But somewhere along the way, I lost that meatball sub mentality. And I’m trying to get that back. There’s going to be a lot of meatball subs in my life and I need to face them head-on.

So that’s what I doing now. I’m reintroducing myself to my passions—trail running, paddle boarding, ophthalmology—all that stuff. And I’m f—king JACKED UP about it.

I wake up at 4am every morning to carry a bag of rocks up a mountain near my house. I make sure to time how long it takes me to get to the peak and I record those times in a notebook.

I’ve also started lifting weights again. I’ve always want to be one of those guys with an abnormally thick neck.

“Wow. That guy has an abnormally thick neck. I wonder what he’s about.” —everyone, pretty soon.

Now you’re probably thinking, “Is this guy writing checks his joints can’t cash?” And maybe you’re right. And maybe I’m searching for some kind of meaning or greater purpose in life that ultimately isn’t there. I dunno. But whatever the case, I’ll be climbing every goddamn peak and eating every Subway meatball sub I can get my hands on until I find what I’m looking for.

But sometimes, meatball subs just aren’t cutting it. And when that’s the case, I’d recommend my cold, gelatinous meat cubes.

I can tell that your mouth is watering already.

My wife made some gelatinous bone broth treats for our dog this summer and I thought to myself—well, now… that doesn’t seem half bad.

The human version of this recipe is super simple—a little bone broth, this butter-flavored protein powder I found online, and some agar-agar to create that nice, gelatinous texture we all know and love. It’s the perfect way to get a hefty dose of protein PLUS a few other BIG TIME nutrients to keep your biceps BUTTERED UP.

The company that I got the butter-flavored protein powder from should hire me as their Head of Marketing (or at least toss an affiliate link my way). Dear Devotion Nutrition—if you’re looking to BLAST THROUGH your Q4 earning projections, hit me up. Sincerely, the This is butter and so can you guy.

Honestly, just keep an open mind about my meat cubes. There’s actually precedence for this. It’s kinda like aspic (which has been around since the 10th century and was quite popular in the U.S. in the 1950s).

Wait, is that dill?

But I’ll be honest—it’s bad. The flavor is bad². The texture is... bad.

Is it the worst thing I’ve ever put in my mouth? No, but it’s definitely a tough sell to my tastebuds. At best it’s a swing and a miss. At worst… probably a felony in France? But I remain convinced I can figure this out. Maybe it just needs to be sweeter. Probably not, but maybe.

All to say: I’m just a simple guy with a handful of meat cubes and a headful of dreams.

And I don’t know much, but I do know this: we can’t just go through the motions in life.

Don’t let life pass you by. Feeling sad? Feeling down? Just pop a few meat cubes in your mouth. Shitty week at work? Transmission went out on your ‘09 Corolla? Tornado steal your baby? A few meat cubes should do the trick.

Are you anxious? Ashamed? Existentially carsick? I have two words for you: MEAT. CUBES.

Wake up and the sun’s out? It’s meat cube time. Wake up and it’s raining? It’s meat cube time. Life is short—grab some meat cubes and LET’S. FUCKING. GO.

Also you should be able to just eyeball the ingredient ratios and the cooking times.

Lastly, to the incredibly nice people who sent me an email after my last post: I really appreciated that message—your first batch of meat cubes are on me. Literally. I’ll Venmo you $10. I insist.

Missed my last This is bullshit and so can you post? Read it here.

And if you have some time, check out my other newsletter:

1. And make sure to stay tuned for next week’s delectable frozen shrimp recipe that my wife and I just can’t get enough of!

2. To clarify: the flavor isn’t bad because of the buttery blend protein powder—it’s great in smoothies, waffles, or just Dwight Schrute-style.